absolution

hurt-masako-simmons

the damage that i have done —

shards of glass – precautions –
objects that instill confidence,
blade-sharp, plied twice-soft,
images of white-red before
my eyes, i think the only
way in is perhaps the way out,
to hurt and wound all that
is concrete and replacable,
foregoing the safety of soul
that has taken the beating,

i think of the innocent faces/
phases that belonged to me
once, distorted, in shambles
now, looking like a cold wind’s
harm on a hyphenated pause,

the pause lasting longer than
its due requirement, the pain
drinking its potion to bear itself,
leaving a scar of undefined,
carefully created proportions.

it’s not in satisfaction derived from plucking tears
that do not appear
but in the reacquisition of their absence
that i achieve my comforts —
material, magnanimous, marauding trusts
levied on a wretched man’s broken self.

the hurt that i have caused is my own
if not the rest.
and i figure that my unbecoming is
something that i have left,
as the youth creeps towards
its deep end.

.

© Anmol Arora

Image source (Hurt by Masako Simmons)

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8 thoughts on “absolution

  1. sanaarizvi says:

    This is incredibly raw and poignant, Anmol! Sometimes it’s overwhelming to look at the past, as we grow older and face various situations in life. I have learned that there is no point in being too harsh upon yourself. I m especially moved by; “it’s not in satisfaction derived from plucking tears that do not appear but in the reacquisition of their absence that i achieve my comforts,” .. as Alexander Chase wisely says; “To understand is to forgive, even oneself.” ❤️

    Like

  2. like a cold wind’s
    harm on a hyphenated pause,…. striking imagery there! The glory of youth is not in its living but in looking back later and confronting the enormity of the sea you have crossed.And then, that too passes!

    Like

  3. I think this is a necessary passage on everyone’s journey, and that it is equally necessary to move through it eventually, so that the ‘unbecoming’ of the youthful self is a transformation into a new maturity … which then, as Rajani suggests, gives way to yet another new stage.

    Like

  4. Susie Clevenger says:

    A needle to self awareness… We are always in stages of reassessing who and what we are. It enables transformation. Oh, and I love that song!

    Like

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